Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales

The Golden Goose - adapted from the Teddy Bear Tellers’ adaptation of the Grimm Brothers’ adaptation. Papa Joe 1988

Once there was a farmer.
He had three sons.
They always have three sons in these stories.

The first son, his name was Mel.
That’s short for Melvin.
No one called him Melvin.
They called him Marvelous Mel.
Do you think it was because he was marvelous?
It was because he thought he was marvelous.
He’d go around saying:
"I’m so marvelous. I’m the most handsome.
I’m the best worker, the fastest runner. I’m just marvelous!"

The second son, his name was Ike.
I think that’s short for Isaiah,
But no one called him Isaiah.
They called him Intelligent Ike.
Do you think it was because he was intelligent?
It was because he thought he was intelligent.
He was always using big words for things
And if people didn’t understand him
He wouldn’t explain what he was talking about.
That’s not very intelligent.

The youngest son, his name was Sam.
That’s short for Samuel,
But no one called him Samuel.
They called him Silly Sam.
You’ll see why… later.

One day, the farmer came into the house and said,
"Boys! We need firewood. Who’s gonna get it?"

Of course, Marvelous Mel said,
"Father. I’m so marvelous. I can get the best firewood."

He went into the kitchen
Took out a big loaf of bread,
A big ball of cheese,
A jug of fresh, sweet milk.
Put them into his back-pack,
Picked up the ax,
And headed out into the forest.

Now this next part is important.
You’ll hear it a lot.
It was a long way from the farm to the forest.
It took Mel a long time to get there.

And who should he meet at the edge of the forest,
But a little old man.
The man said, "Excuse me, young sir.
Could you spear some food for an old man?"

Do you think he could?
Do you think he would?

He stuck his nose in the air and walked right by.

The old man began to mumble and grumble.
Out of his mouth came a spell.
It followed Marvelous Mel.
Do you think it bode him well?
(That means: Do you think it was good for him.)

Mel went into the forest.
He came to a tree.
A beautiful tree, a wonderful tree,
A tree just perfect for firewood.

He swung the ax once. {CHOP}
He swung the ax twice. {CHOP}
But as he swung the ax for the third time…
A spell landed on the head of the ax. {Boowang}

The ax leaped into the air and came down on his arm.
He couldn’t chop anymore firewood.
Had to walk all the way home.

When he got there his father said,
"Mel! That wasn’t very marvelous."
(Was it?)
"Now what are we gonna do about the firewood.

Up stepped Intelligent Ike.
"Father, I’ve contemplated the situation and concluded that I shall provide the fuel for the family."

Do you know what that means?
It means he thinks he should get the firewood.

He went into the kitchen
Took out a big loaf of bread,
A big ball of cheese,
A jug of fresh, sweet milk.
Put them into his back-pack,
Picked up the ax,
And headed out into the forest.

Remember I said next part is important.
Here it is again.
It was a long way from the farm to the forest.
It took Ike a long time to get there.

And who should he meet at the edge of the forest,
But a little old man.
The man said, "Excuse me, young sir.
Could you spear some food for an old man?"

Do you think he could?
Do you think he would?

He reached back and weighed his pack.
"I calculate there’s insufficient caloric content in this container to provide substances for the two of us."
Then he walked right by.

The old man began to mumble and grumble.
Out of his mouth came a spell.
It followed Intelligent Ike.
Do you think it bode him well?
(Was good for him?)

Ike went into the forest.
He came to a tree.
A beautiful tree, a wonderful tree,
A tree just perfect for firewood.
It was the same tree his brother had found,
But there wasn’t a mark on it.

He swung the ax once. {CHOP}
He swung the ax twice. {CHOP}
But as he swung the ax for the third time…
A spell landed on the head of the ax. {Boowang}

The ax leaped into the air and came down on his leg.
He couldn’t chop anymore firewood.
Had to hop all the way home.

When he got there his father said,
"Ike! That wasn’t very intelligent."
(Was it?)
"Now what are we gonna do about the firewood.

Up stepped Silly Sam.

"I’ll get the firewood.
"I’ll get the firewood.
"I’ll get the firewood, daddy!"

"You!" "Yes, me."
"Not you!" "Yes, me."
"I said not you!" "I said yes, me."
"I said, NO!" "I said, Yes!"
"NO!" "Yes!"
"NO!" "Yes!"
"NO!" "Yes!"
"NO!" "Yes!"

"Sam! If I let you go out into the forest with an ax,
You’d chop your head off."

"No, I wouldn’t."

"Yes, you would!" "No, I wouldn’t."
"I said, yes." "I said, no."
"YES!" "No!"
"YES!" "No!"
"YES!" "No!"
"YES!" "No!"

"Alright Sam. Go get the firewood, but if you chop off your head…
Don’t come running to me!"

Sam went into the kitchen
He wanted a big loaf of bread like his brothers had,
But there wasn’t any.
Just an old crust that had been left out on the table all night.
It was hard, but he put it in his backpack.

He wanted a big ball of cheese like his brothers had,
But there wasn’t any.
Just an old rind that had been left out on the table all night.
It was hard, but he put it in his backpack.

He wanted a jug of fresh, sweet milk like his brothers had,
But there wasn’t any.
Just a bit in a jug that had been left out on the table all night.
Do you think he took that?
No! He gave it to the cat.
Cats like curds and whey.

He rinsed out the jug
Filled it with water
Put it into his back-pack,
Picked up the ax,
And headed out into the forest.

Remember I said next part is important.
This is the last practice.
It was a long way from the farm to the forest.
It took Sam a long time to get there.

And who should he meet at the edge of the forest,
But a little old man.
The man said, "Excuse me, young sir.
Could you spear some food for an old man?"

Do you think he could?
Do you think he would?

Sam said, "Old man? I don’t have much food
And it’s not very good,
But I’ll share it with you,
If you want it."

Sam reached into his backpack for that stale crust
And out came a long loaf of bread.
He gave half to the old man.
Ate half himself.

Sam reached into his backpack for the hard rind
And out came a big ball of cheese.
He gave half to the old man.
Ate half himself.

Sam reached into his backpack for the jug of water
He gave the old man the first sip.
Started to take his sip,
But it wasn’t water was it?
Fresh, sweet milk.

Sam drank the milk,
Put the jug back in his backpack,
Put the backpack back on his back,
Picked up the ax,
Was about to head into the forest…

When the old man said, "Stop!
It was very kind of you to share your food with me.
I’d like to give you a present."

Silly Sam said, "A present!!!"

"Not that kind of present, Silly
When you go into the forest and cut down a tree,
Look at the stump and there you will see
Something that will make your fortune."

Silly Sam said, "Oh! That kind of present.
I was hoping for something more like a basketball or a bike."

Sam went into the forest.
He came to a tree.
A beautiful tree, a wonderful tree,
A tree just perfect for firewood.
It was the same tree his brothers had found,
But there wasn’t a mark on it.

He swung the ax once. {CHOP}
He swung the ax twice. {CHOP}
But as he swung the ax for the third time…
A spell landed on the head of the ax. {KuBooom}

The tree shot into the air.
It exploded into a million pieces.
Came falling down all…
Cut. Split. Stacked up.
Just like firewood.

Silly Sam was very surprised.
But he was even more surprised
When he looked at the stump of the tree
For there he could see
A beautiful golden goose.

Sam picked up the goose,
Tucked it under his arm,
And said, "I’m taking this home to my daddy."
Then he started running home.

But remember what I said?
This is why it was important.
It was a long way from the forest to the farm.
It’ll take him a long time to get there.
And since he was running
He ran out of breath long before he got there.

Luckily, he came to an Inn.
You know what an Inn is.
It’s like a combination hotel restaurant.

Sam said, "An Inn! I’ll go in."
So he did.

Sam went in the Inn and sat down
With the golden goose still tucked under his arm.

When the Innkeeper saw the golden goose
His eyes popped out of his head.
His jaw dropped to the floor.
He said, "That boy is rich.
If I give him lots of good food
And lots of good drinks
He’ll have to give me some of those gold feathers
And I’ll be rich too!"

So the Innkeeper gave Silly Sam
Lots of good food
Lots of good drink
And Silly Sam…

He ate and he ate and he ate.
He drank and he drank and he drank.
He ate and he ate and he ate.
He drank and he drank and he drank.
He ate and he drank, he ate and he drank
And he passed out in his mashed potatoes.

When he Innkeeper saw that
He said, "Excellent!
He can sleep there tonight
Tomorrow, I’ll give him more good food
And more good drink for breakfast.
He’ll have to give me even more gold feathers.
I’ll be twice as rich!"

And to everyone else, he said,
"GO TO BED!"

Everyone went to bed.
Everyone went to sleep.
Everyone except…

Did I tell you the Innkeeper had three daughters?
They always have three daughters in these stories.

The oldest daughter, her name was Colleen.
But everyone called her Curious Colleen,
Because she was always curious about everything.

Colleen went to bed like her father said,
But she couldn’t sleep.
She was too curious about the golden goose.
She just had to know what that goose felt like.

So she slipped down the stairs,
Walked over to Sam,
Reached out to touch the goose,
And STUCK!

She was stuck to the goose
And she couldn’t get loose.
She pulled and she pulled,
But she couldn’t get loose.
She was stuck to the goose.

And she had to stay that way.

Now I said the Innkeeper had three daughters.
The middle daughter, her name was Irene.
But everyone called her Inquisitive Irene,
Because she was always asked questions about everything.

Irene went to bed like her father said,
She went to sleep, but she had a dream.
A dream about the golden goose.
She just had to know what that goose felt like.

So she slipped down the stairs,
Reached out to Colleen,
"Colleen, what are you doing here?"
And STUCK!

She was stuck to Colleen,
Who was stuck to the goose
And they couldn’t get loose.
They pulled and they pulled,
But they couldn’t get loose.
They were stuck to the goose.

And they had to stay that way.

Now I said the Innkeeper had three daughters.
The youngest daughter, her name was Wendy.
But everyone called her Wondering Wendy,
Because she was always wondering about everything.

Wendy went to bed like her father said,
She went to sleep, but she had a dream.
A dream about the golden goose.
She was wondering what that goose felt like.

So she slipped down the stairs,
Saw Colleen and Irene…

You’ll have to excuse Wendy ‘cause she was real little.
She said, "Colleen! Irene! It’s my turn! It’s my turn!"
And STUCK!

She was stuck to Irene,
Who was stuck to Colleen,
Who was stuck to the goose
And they couldn’t get loose.
They pulled and they pulled,
But they couldn’t get loose.
They were stuck to the goose.

And they had to stay that way.

The moon went down.
And the sun came up.
Silly Sam woke up.
He didn’t stay for breakfast.

He stood up and started walking home.
With the golden goose still under his arm.
Followed by: Colleen, Irene, and Wendy.

Everyone else in the village was asleep.
Everyone, but the minister.
He was working on his Sunday sermon.

When he saw Silly Sam,
The golden goose,
Colleen, Irene, and Wendy.
He shouted, "Girls! Where are you going with that boy?
You’re supposed to be helping your father at the Inn."

He reached for Wendy
And STUCK!

He was stuck to Wendy,
Who was stuck to Irene,
Who was stuck to Colleen,
Who was stuck to the goose
And they couldn’t get loose.
They pulled and they pulled,
But they couldn’t get loose.
They were stuck to the goose.

And they had to stay that way.

The deacon is a person who helps a minister.
He saw the minister following the Innkeeper’s daughters.
"Minister! Minister! Where are you going with those girls?"
And STUCK!

He was stuck to the minister,
Who was stuck to Wendy,
Who was stuck to Irene,
Who was stuck to Colleen,
Who was stuck to the goose,
And they couldn’t get loose.
They pulled and they pulled,
But they couldn’t get loose.
They were stuck to the goose.

And they had to stay that way.

They didn’t like it so they called for help.

Some farmers were out working in the fields.
They came running to help
And STUCK!

The farmers were stuck to the deacon,
Who was stuck to the minister,
Who was stuck to Wendy,
Who was stuck to Irene,
Who was stuck to Colleen,
Who was stuck to the goose
And they couldn’t get loose.
They pulled and they pulled,
But they couldn’t get loose.
They were stuck to the goose.

And they had to stay that way.

They walked until they came to a city.
Do you know why it was a city?
Because a king lived there.
And wherever a king lives
It becomes a city.

This king should have been happy.
But he was sad.
Why was he sad?
Because of his daughter, the princess.

The princess didn’t laugh.
She didn’t giggle.
She didn’t even smile.
She sat around all day with a big frown.

The king tried to make her laugh.
He told her jokes.
He made funny faces.
He hired jugglers and clowns.
But all she did was frown.

So the king sent out a proclamation.
"Hear ye! Hear ye!
A proclamation from your King.
Anyone who can make the princess laugh
Will receive a big bag of gold."

Anyone want a big bag of gold?
Put your hands down
You’re supposed to be stuck.

No one could make the princess laugh
Until Silly Sam came by
With Curious Colleen,
Inquisitive Irene,
Wondering Wendy,
The minister,
The deacon,
And all the farmers.

When the princess saw them
She started to smile,
She started to giggle,
She started to laugh.
She laughed so hard
She fell out of her chair.

The king was so happy
He gave Silly Sam
The big bag of gold.

The bag was so heavy
Sam needed two hands to take it.
He let go of the goose
And everyone was free.

Silly Sam tossed the bag over his shoulder
And went home to his father.

When he got there his father said,
"Well, Sam. I see you didn’t chop your head off.
But where’s the firewood."

Silly Sam showed his father
The big bag of gold.

His father was so happy
He never called Sam silly again.
He called him Smart Sam,
Because he knew what to do.

The End

Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales