Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales

Ashiesputtle and the Prince Who Wouldn't Shut Up

Once upon a time there was a king.  He should have been happy, but he was sad.  He had a wonderful wife, his queen.  He should have been happy, but he was sad.  He lived in a beautiful castle.  He should have been happy, but he was sad.  He had lots of horses, lots of men and lots of gold.  He should have been happy, but he was sad.

Why was he sad?  Because of the Prince.  Everyone knew the Prince, the Prince Who Wouldn't Shut Up.  What a chatterbox!  Blab, blab, blab. Blab, blab, blab.  And worse, he was rude!  This Prince was horrid.  If someone said, “Good Morning Prince."  He'd answer, “What's so good about it?  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."  If someone said, “Here's your Breakfast, your Majesty.  Enjoy your meal."  He'd say, “You expect me to eat this junk?  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."

Nothing the king could do or say seemed to improve the prince's manners.  Finally, in great despair, the King decided to send out a proclamation in hope of finding someone who could silence the prince, even if it were only for a minute.

Hear yea!  Hear yea!
A proclamation
from your king.
Anyone who can
silence the prince
if only for a minute,
shall receive
a big bag of gold.

Plenty of people wanted to try, I can assure you, for it isn't everyday for a king offers a big bag of gold as a prize.  People came from near and far to try and humble the prince.  But could anyone silence the prince?  No, they could not.  With every ‘Good day, Prince.' came a ‘What's so good about it.  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab.'  In fact, he might have been more rude, for he had more people to be rude with.

People came from morning ‘til night, day after day, month after month until they drove the king nutty.  He sent out a new proclamation.  One that made it clear he wanted only able applicants applying.

Hear yea!  Hear yea!
A proclamation
from your king.
Anyone who can
silence the prince
if only for a minute,
shall receive
a big bag of gold.
But If You Try
And You Fail,
I'll Chop Your Ears Off.

No one came after that.  They knew better.  There wasn't much chance of silencing the Prince, not even for a minute.

 In another part of the kingdom, lived three brothers.  They were so poor.  They had no money.  No money meant no food and no food meant they were very very hungry.  They thought they should try to silence the prince for the bag of gold.  Even if they failed and had their ears chopped off, it would be better than staying at home and staving.

Now the youngest brother was different than the older two.  His name was Ashiesputtle and he stuttered.  It was hard for him to say anything, never mind getting someone to listen.  Some people laughed at the way he talked.  It really hurt his feelings, but you wouldn't laugh at him.  Would you?

Ashiesputtle did have a funny habit.  He was always looking around for things.  Anything (even if it was a piece of trash).  And when he found something he liked, he'd call it his treasure and keep it in his pocket.  Sometimes his pockets would be so full he'd waddle around like a duck.

The brothers started off for the castle.  Of course, Ashiesputtle was searching the bushes along the side of the road when he started jumping up and down and shouting.  

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I've fffound a a ththing.  I'vve fffound a a ththing.

Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What is it, Ashiesputtle?"

“A dddead bbird.  A dddead bbird."

“It's trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw it away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno it's nnot.  It's a It's a nnice bbird.  An and iit will it will ffit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake it it with mme."

And off they went.

So what's in this pocket?  A dead bird! P.U.!

They were walking along the side of a river and of course, Ashiesputtle was searching the water and under rocks when he started jumping up and down and shouting.

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I'vve fffound a a ththing.  I'vve fffound a a ththing.

Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What is it, Ashiesputtle?"

“It it it's a a cccclam ssshell.  A a cclam sshell."

“It's trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw it away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno it's nnot.  It's a It's a gggood cclam sshell.  It it's nnot bbbroken.  I I I ccan m m make i it ggo llike th this: click click click.  Bbbsides, I I I ccan ffit iiit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake it it with mme."

And off they went.

What's in this pocket?        A clam shell.
And this pocket?           A dead bird!
P.U.!

They walked by a cellar hole.  Do you know about cellar holes?  They used to be cellars with a house on top.  But the house burnt up, fell down, or moved away; leaving the cellar all alone to collect things.  So of course Ashiesputtle loved cellar holes.  He was searching among the leaves, under stones, and logs, here, there, everywhere; when he started jumping up and down and shouting.

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I'vve fffound a a ththing.  I'vve fffound a a ththing.

And Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What is it, Ashiesputtle?"

“An an o o old dddish."

They said, “It's trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw it away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno! It it it's nnnot.  It's a It's a ggood old dddish.  It it it's o o only a a lit lit little b bbit cr cr crac c cked.  An and iit 'll it'll ffit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake it it with mme."

And off they went

So what's in this pocket?        An old dish
And what's in this pocket?        A clam shell.
And this pocket?                   A dead bird!
P.U.!

They walked along through the woods and of course Ashiesputtle was searching the bushes along the road, under the leaves, through the branches; when he started jumping up and down and shouting.

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I'vve fffound a a ththing.  I'vve fffound a a ththing.

Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What is it, Ashiesputtle?"

“A forked stick."

“It's trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw it away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno!  It's a It's a ggood f f f forked st st stick.  I I If I I hhad a a a sssnow m m man I I cccould use use th this for a a a arm m m.  An and b b b sides, iit will it will ffit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake it it with mme."

And off they went

So what's in this pocket?        A forked stick
And what's in this pocket?        An old dish
And this pocket?                   A clam shell.
And this pocket?                   A dead bird!
P.U.!

Ashiesputtle  and his brothers were walking along a field.  Along the field there was a fence.  Ashiesputtle loved fences.  He loved to hold out his hand and whack the fence posts as he walked along.  Whack.  Whack.  Whack.  Whack.

As he came to the last post he stopped.  On the post there was a thing.  He was getting excited.  Then, he saw another one on the ground beside the post.  He started jumping up and down and shouting.

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I'vve fffound ttwo ththings.  I'vve fffound tt ttwo ththings.

Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What are they, Ashiesputtle?"

“Tt ttwo c c cans cans ss shot ffull full of hhholes."

“They're trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw them away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno  th th they're nnot.  They they're c c cool.  An and th they w w will ffit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake em with mme."

And off they went

Finally, Ashiesputtle and his brother came to the castle, but just as they were about to go through the gate...

“Bbbrothers!  Bbbrothers!  I'vve fffound a a ththing.  I'vve fffound a a ththing.

Ashiesputtle's older brothers asked, “What is it, Ashiesputtle?"

“A bbbag o o of rrrrotten rrotten pppeanuts."

“It's trash, Ashiesputtle.  Throw it away."

But Ashiesputtle said, “Nno it's nnot.  An and I I I th th think th th that m m maybe it it w w will h h help help  mme w w w win the ggg gold.  A any w anyway iit will it will ffit in in  ththis pppocket.  I'm m gonna gonna tttake it it with mme."

And in they went

Inside the castle, the King was quite surprised to see the brothers.  “You wish to try to silence the Prince?  You realize that if you fail, I'll have to chop your ears off?"

Well, the brothers understood, so off went Ashiesputtle's oldest brother into the Prince's room to make the first try.

“Good Day Prince."

Of course the Prince answered, “What's so good about it!  Blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab."

Ashiesputtle's oldest brother said, “It's rather hot in here."

The Prince smiled and said, “Its hotter in the fire."

Ashiesputtle's oldest brother looked into the fire and saw a long, sharp, red hot sword waiting to chop his ears off.

He was so scared.  His knees started knocking.  His eyes started popping.  His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.  So his try was over.  He had to wait in the next room and hope his brothers could save him.  Do you think they will?  We'll see.

Then Ashiesputtle's middle brother goes in the Prince's room.

“Good Day Prince."

Of course the Prince answered, “What's so good about it!  Blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab."

Ashiesputtle's middle brother said, “It's rather hot in here."

The Prince smiled and said, “Its hotter in the fire."

Ashiesputtle's middle brother looked into the fire and saw a long, sharp, red hot sword waiting to chop his ears off.

He was so scared.  His knees started knocking.  His eyes started popping.    His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.  So his try was over.  He had to wait in the next room and hope that Ashiesputtle could save them both.  Do you think he will?  We'll see.

But now it was Ashiesputtle's turn to see the Prince.

“G gggood  ggood  ddd  ggood ddd  ggood  dddddd   Hi."

The Prince screamed, “What a dunder head!  You can't even talk."

Now Ashiesputtle didn't like being called a dunder head.  Would you?  He turned bright red and said, “I i it's aw aw awfully h h hot in in  h here."

The Prince smiled and said, “Its hotter in the fire."

Then Ashiesputtle smiled.  “Ggood!  I I I've gggot sssssome some thththing f ffor th th that in in in th th this pppock pocket."

What's in this pocket?           A dead bird!
P.U.

“I I I'm gonna gonna cccook th this bbbird for ffor m my s supper."

Now the Prince thought this was foolishness, yet he couldn't resist an argument.  “You can't cook that bird, dunder head.  It's still got feathers on it.  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."

Ashiesputtle smiled.  “Oh oh!  Th th that ookay okay.  I I I've gggot sssssome some thththing f ffor th th that in in in th th this pppock pocket."

What's in this pocket?           A clam shell.

Ashiesputtle took out the clam shell and used it like a pair of pliers, plucking the bird and tossing the feather all over the prince's room.

That made the prince mad.  “Hey!  You still can't cook that bird.  You don't have anything to cook it on, dunder head.  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."

Ashiesputtle smiled.  “Oh oh!  I I I've gggot sssssome some thththing f ffor th th that in in in th th this pppock pocket."

What's in this pocket?           An old dish.

Ashiesputtle took out the dish and set the plucked bird on it.

Now the Prince was really angry.  “You still can't cook that bird, dunder head.  If you try to put that dish on my fire, you'll burn your fingers off.  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."

Ashiesputtle smiled.  “Oh oh!  I I I've gggot sssssome some thththing f ffor th th that in in in th th this pppock pocket."

What's in this pocket?        A forked stick.

Ashiesputtle took out the forked stick, set the plate on the fork, held onto the other end, and set the dish in the fire.  He never came close to burning his fingers.

Now the Prince was furious.  “How dare you act so free in front of me.  Your head must be full of holes.  Blab, blab, blab.  Blab, blab, blab."

But Ashiesputtle only smiled.  “Oh oh!  My my my hhheads nnnot not f f full of of hhholes, bbbut I I I've gggot sssssome some thththing fffull of of hhholes in in in th th this pppock pocket."

What's in this pocket?        A can shot full of holes.

Ashiesputtle took out the can and showed it to the Prince.

The Prince was sputtering now.  He couldn't stand it any longer.  “I've never seen the like."

And Ashiesputtle smiled.  “Oh oh!  I I I've gggot an another j j just like like it in in th this pppock pocket."

The Prince screamed, “You're driving me nutty!"

And Ashiesputtle laughed, “O oh nnno!  I I I'm n n not d d drive driving you any anywhere.  I I I d d don't even h h have a cccar.  B b but I I I dddo h h have the the nnuttys."

What's in this pocket?                   A bag of rotten peanuts.

Ashiesputtle took out the bag of rotten peanuts and dumped them on the Prince's head.  “See?"

The Prince was so dumbfounded, that his eyes bugged out, his mouth dropped open, and he didn't say anything... for over a minute.

The King was so pleased he gave Ashiesputtle the big bag of gold.  Can you guess what he did with it?  He put the gold in his POCKETS!  His pockets were so full, he walked home like a duck.  His pockets were so full, that whenever he found any new treasures he had to put them in his brothers' pockets.  They didn't mind until he found a dead bird.
P. U.

Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales