Papa
Joe ~ Telling
Tales
From: Papa Joe
To: Storytell
Subject: Master of Masters, Story/game (long)
Date: Thursday, June 05, 1997 9:23 AM
Folks,
The first part of this story is my own addition and can be cut to
shorten the length. It is based on the old English Job Fairs. In
"English Fairy Tales", Jacob's offers some great source
notes.
It's one of the first stories I learned and I've been telling it
for over thirty years. (gee! I don't think there are many things
I can say that about. LOL) I learned it from my mother, who
learned it for her mother. By the time I got around to mapping
out the oral transmission, my grandmother was beyond
interviewing. My mother's version was very close to Joseph
Jacobs'. Much more so than most of her other tales, I doubt there
is an unbroken line of passing it on orally.
It is included on my audio tape, "For A Wish".
The story works as well straight as interactive. I'll add
teller's notes in <notes>. As always you are welcome to
tell any tale I share. Most of this one is Public Domain.
--------
Master of Masters (c) 1996
by Papa Joe
<I always have the audience help me start the story>
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, far far
away,
there lived a woman who wanted a job.
<This is one of the two stories in which I use a chair.>
Now in those days, in that place, if you wanted a
job you went to the fair, sat in the job tent, and waited.
<I sit at "sat" and twiddle my thumbs at
"waited". I invite the audience to twiddle their thumbs
also.>
She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she
get a job? No, she did not.
<I pause after "job", use paralanguage to imply she
didn't, and let the audience say, "No." I sometimes
add: {standing up} "So she went home. The next day, she went
to the fair, went to the tent, sat down, and..." {sitting
down}>
She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she
get a job? No, she did not.
<I model increasing impatience and continue to have the
audience say, "No!">
She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she
get a job? Yes, she did! If she didn't, there wouldn't be a
story.
<This is a fun trick, much loved. The audience usually
continues to say "No!" Until I imply that the story is
not going to get any farther unless they say,
"Yes!">
A funny man came up to her and said, "Do you
have a good memory?"
<Sometimes I describe the man to be myself. Then I'll say,
"It wasn't me! This was a long time ago." or "It
wasn't me! It was a different funny man.">
She said, "Yes."
He said, "Then come with me."
He took her to his house and said, "I have my own name for
things. If you want to work for me, you have to remember my
words. For example, What would you call me?"
She said, "Master or Mister. What ever you please,
sir."
<My favorite way of telling this part is to let the audience
offer words for the woman's replies. They can come up with some
hilarious offers.>
He said, "You will call me: Master of
Masters."
<Sometimes, with an excellent audience, I'll let them come up
with the Master's choice. WARNING: You have to be able to pull
that off at the end or the story will really go flat.>
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir.
Anything you please, sir."
<I use natural sign to augment the woman's word's and have the
audience say them with me in an ever increasing level of
aggravation with each repetition.>
Then he pointed to his pants, "What would you
call these?"
<With an adept audience, I'll make them guess what the master
is referring to.>
She said, "Pants or trousers. What ever you
please, sir."
He said, "You will call them: Squibs and Crackers."
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
Then he pointed to his bed, "What would you call this?"
She said, "A bed or a bunk. What ever you please, sir."
He said, "You will call it: a Barnacle."
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
Then he pointed to his cat, "What would you call this?"
She said, "A cat or a kitten. What ever you please,
sir."
He said, "You will call it: White Face Simmony."
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
Then he pointed to the fire, "What would you call
this?"
She said, "Fire or Flame. What ever you please, sir."
He said, "You will call it: Hot Cockalorium"
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
Then he pointed to some water, "What would you call
this?"
She said, "Water or liquid. What ever you please, sir."
He said, "You will call it: Pondalorium."
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
Then he said, "And what would you call this place we're
in?"
She said, "A house or home. What ever you please, sir."
He said, "You will call it: High Topper Mountain."
She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please,
sir."
And so they each went to their own bed and went to sleep.
But in the middle of the night, the woman came running and shook
the master awake.
"Master of Masters, get out of your Barnacle, put on your
Squibs and Crackers. For White Face Simmony has a spark of Hot
Cockalorium on her tail and if you don't get some Pondalorium,
all of High Topper Mountain will be on Hot Cockalorium."
<I usually say this part rather fast, then say, "You
didn't catch that? I'll say it slower and you can tell me what
you think she meant." Then I proceed to repeat her line,
pausing after each of the 'funny words' and let them say what it
means.>
<Another addition: "Now when Joseph Jacob's wrote this
folktale down, he ended it with: That's all. I never really liked
that ending. So I say...">
Master of Masters, got out of his Barnacle, put on
his Squibs and Crackers. He got some Pondalorium, poured it on
White Face Simmony, put out the Hot Cockalorium and saving High
Topper Mountain.
<I sign for them to join me in saying, "The
End">
------------------
Pax & Amicitia,
Papa Joe
Oak & Ivy Cottage, Fremont, NH, USA
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Joe ~ Telling
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