Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales

From: Papa Joe 
To: Storytell 
Subject: Master of Masters">


 

Papa Joe ~ Telling Tales

From: Papa Joe 
To: Storytell 
Subject: Master of Masters, Story/game (long)
Date: Thursday, June 05, 1997 9:23 AM

Folks,

The first part of this story is my own addition and can be cut to shorten the length. It is based on the old English Job Fairs. In "English Fairy Tales", Jacob's offers some great source notes.

It's one of the first stories I learned and I've been telling it for over thirty years. (gee! I don't think there are many things I can say that about. LOL) I learned it from my mother, who learned it for her mother. By the time I got around to mapping out the oral transmission, my grandmother was beyond interviewing. My mother's version was very close to Joseph Jacobs'. Much more so than most of her other tales, I doubt there is an unbroken line of passing it on orally.

 It is included on my audio tape, "For A Wish".

The story works as well straight as interactive. I'll add teller's notes in <notes>. As always you are welcome to tell any tale I share. Most of this one is Public Domain.
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Master of Masters (c) 1996 by Papa Joe

<I always have the audience help me start the story>

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, far far away,
there lived a woman who wanted a job.

<This is one of the two stories in which I use a chair.>

Now in those days, in that place, if you wanted a job you went to the fair, sat in the job tent, and waited.

<I sit at "sat" and twiddle my thumbs at "waited". I invite the audience to twiddle their thumbs also.>

She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she get a job? No, she did not.

<I pause after "job", use paralanguage to imply she didn't, and let the audience say, "No." I sometimes add: {standing up} "So she went home. The next day, she went to the fair, went to the tent, sat down, and..." {sitting down}>

She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she get a job? No, she did not.

<I model increasing impatience and continue to have the audience say, "No!">

She waited, and waited, and waited. But did she get a job? Yes, she did! If she didn't, there wouldn't be a story.

<This is a fun trick, much loved. The audience usually continues to say "No!" Until I imply that the story is not going to get any farther unless they say, "Yes!">

A funny man came up to her and said, "Do you have a good memory?"

<Sometimes I describe the man to be myself. Then I'll say, "It wasn't me! This was a long time ago." or "It wasn't me! It was a different funny man.">

She said, "Yes."

He said, "Then come with me."

He took her to his house and said, "I have my own name for things. If you want to work for me, you have to remember my words. For example, What would you call me?"

She said, "Master or Mister. What ever you please, sir."

<My favorite way of telling this part is to let the audience offer words for the woman's replies. They can come up with some hilarious offers.>

He said, "You will call me: Master of Masters."

<Sometimes, with an excellent audience, I'll let them come up with the Master's choice. WARNING: You have to be able to pull that off at the end or the story will really go flat.>

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

<I use natural sign to augment the woman's word's and have the audience say them with me in an ever increasing level of aggravation with each repetition.>

Then he pointed to his pants, "What would you call these?"

<With an adept audience, I'll make them guess what the master is referring to.>

She said, "Pants or trousers. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call them: Squibs and Crackers."

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

Then he pointed to his bed, "What would you call this?"

She said, "A bed or a bunk. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call it: a Barnacle."

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

Then he pointed to his cat, "What would you call this?"

She said, "A cat or a kitten. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call it: White Face Simmony."

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

Then he pointed to the fire, "What would you call this?"

She said, "Fire or Flame. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call it: Hot Cockalorium"

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

Then he pointed to some water, "What would you call this?"

She said, "Water or liquid. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call it: Pondalorium."

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

Then he said, "And what would you call this place we're in?"

She said, "A house or home. What ever you please, sir."

He said, "You will call it: High Topper Mountain."

She said, "Yes, sir. If you wish, sir. Anything you please, sir."

And so they each went to their own bed and went to sleep.

But in the middle of the night, the woman came running and shook the master awake.

"Master of Masters, get out of your Barnacle, put on your Squibs and Crackers. For White Face Simmony has a spark of Hot Cockalorium on her tail and if you don't get some Pondalorium, all of High Topper Mountain will be on Hot Cockalorium."

<I usually say this part rather fast, then say, "You didn't catch that? I'll say it slower and you can tell me what you think she meant." Then I proceed to repeat her line, pausing after each of the 'funny words' and let them say what it means.>

<Another addition: "Now when Joseph Jacob's wrote this folktale down, he ended it with: That's all. I never really liked that ending. So I say...">

Master of Masters, got out of his Barnacle, put on his Squibs and Crackers. He got some Pondalorium, poured it on White Face Simmony, put out the Hot Cockalorium and saving High Topper Mountain.

<I sign for them to join me in saying, "The End">
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Pax & Amicitia,

Papa Joe
Oak & Ivy Cottage, Fremont, NH, USA
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